Kendallville headlines!

Man caught using car to kill dear.

Rick aka RtotheK still missing in his house. No word when he will come out or if he is even in there?

Kendallville resident arrested today when neighbours complained that he was urinating and defecating (pooping) out from his second story window. When cops arrived at the scean they found dishes, spoons, and forks, out side the window along with turds and a puddle of piss. When asked why he did it his responce was "I was to lazy to go down stairs."

Residents arrested today in Johnson trailer park when a Latino couple decided to cut a 12 by 6 foot hole in front of their trailer. They would then have sex in full view giving it a TV box feel for the onlookers.

                                                                                                       ----Pork Chop

Bixler Lake Smell Search.

The search for the mysterious smell countinues. Reporter GunghoMofo has informed us that the people searching for the smell are running low on vicks vapor rub and coffee. More info to follow later on.

Kendallville News Headlines with Pork Chop Salad Dress!

Kendallville News Headlines with Pork Chop Salad Dress!

These are some of the events taking place in Kendallville

Man arrested after taking shit in the middle of Mitchell & Main.

Couple arrested after standoff leads to copulation. (Don’t ask)

Mysterious crotch smell lingers over Bixler. (More details will follow as GunghoMofo is on the case!)

1500 Hillbillys pile into Bixler one last time before fall sets in! (May explain mysterious crotch smell over Bixler?)

Sportsman Bar & Grill sees an increase in Deans.

This guy

If you see this guy, you most likely seen him at Sportsman Bar & Grill

He's also our official Pork Chop Report mascot

THIS YEARS WINNER OF THE COCAINE SNORTING CONTEST GOES TO GUNGHOMOFO!

Congrats to GunghoMofo for his outstanding achievement!

Team Pork Chop.

RONNIE MAYNARD SIGHTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At 3:30 pm a Kendallville resident called us to inform us that the elusive Ronnie Maynard has been sighted.  Details are still pending but we will have a full briefing by the Cops later on.

Brett Schlotterback finds a bar!

Welcome back Brett!

Just last Wednesday Kendallville resident Brett Schlotterback found a bar that will let him sit and enjoy a drink! Brett who is notorious for disturbing bars found it to be relaxing for a change.

“ Well, I wasn't going to act like an idiot at that bar no matter what. looked like I would have disappeared”.

So how did you feel about being kicked out of Josh’s Bar & Grill?

“I don't remember. Probably a lot of laughing”.

Did you feel like you might have lost your chance at that bar?

“No… I didn't think he was that big of an asshole”.

So tell me about the bar that let you in this Wednesday and how did you feel about the establishment?

“North star sports bar, it was a nice place, I was lost in Fort Wayne and needed a pisser and a phone, when I walked in they asked if I was going to buy something since bums go in there a lot to piss so I bought a beer when I came out, So I sat there and chatted with the regulars”.

So there you have it. Brett finds a bar and place to sit his ass without confrontation. As long as he doesn't swing pool sticks at the bartender or threaten to kick the dog's ass. The customers and more importantly the community, can now rest knowing that Brett Schlotterback has learned his lesson and now values the importance of peaceful socialite drinking in the presence of strangers.

                                                                                           ---Pork Chop Salad Dress